My Cat, Charlie.
(Published: 2018/04/14)
Today I had to say goodbye to my beautiful pussycat, Charlie. He’s not gone forever, but a short time without someone feels like a long time when you know you love them. I mean, the place he’s staying in is not horrible, in fact, I think that he really likes his new home, a cage or not.
This morning I woke up and by 10:00 we were driving to the place where Charlie would be living for the next few weeks, or months. It felt like a long journey. I could see him shivering in his orange cage and while he did become more comfortable as the journey went on, I felt terrible for putting him through a car ride to the vet and then driving him somewhere we’d leave him and not be able to see him for a really long while. It felt the worst when he tried to push his big paws through bars of the cage and touch my fingers. He even looked so frightened at one point that I used my jumper to cover the outside of the cage so he wouldn’t be able to see the new, and probably scary, world around him. Half an hour later we pulled into the carpark of the cat-prison and mum carried him to his doom. We then met the woman who would be looking after Charlie, and all the other cats in cat-prison. By calling it cat-prison, I am not having a sense of humour. I am merely stating a fact. It is a place for all those selfish people who decided they wanted a cat and then decided to leave their cat somewhere when they wanted to go on holiday or when they realised they can’t look after a cat because there is so much going on in their life. I hate being that person. Anyway, the woman showed us to Charlie’s little room which I must admit had the most amazing cat-tree and a door to a fake-grass outside-area. At least he will get more attention and love at his new home than we could ever give him at the moment. I wish we could keep him so badly, but I think that he would be better off at the cat-prison. I guess what I’m most worried about is that if he stays there long enough he’ll forget how much he loved me. I know that probably won’t happen but I think my heart would break completely in two if it did.
I held myself together until right before I had to leave him, but I couldn’t keep it up. I’m not one who cries easily, but today, I did. In fact, I cried quite a bit. I cried when I touched his paw for the last time and I cried as I walked down the stairs. I cried as mum paid the bill and I looked at the other pussycats in their cages. All in all, I was just purely and utterly sad. Just. Sad. The worst bit was, if we visit him, he might have a breakdown like other cats have had along the way, so we were told we can’t visit him. I know it will eventually feel like it’s normal not to have a furry creature rubbing on your leg and settling himself on your bed when you sit and watch tv at night, but I don’t want it to get to that point. So, when I walked down those stairs, and paced in the hall with cats, and ran out to the car in the rain, I was sad because I knew that that was the last time I’d see him, without any visits, for a very long time. And I know I’m droning a bit and considering it’s not like he’s dead or anything, I may seem just a little too depressed about this, but if you have ever lost your pet for an unknown amount of time, and you loved that pet, you will understand that I feel like I am losing him indefinitely. To me, it feels like he’s being sucked into a black hole and everybody knows that a black hole is a one-way trip. But I have to be hopeful that he will be back in my arms soon because in 2 months maybe hope will be the only thing convincing me he still exists at all.
I love you, Charlie. Never give up hope because I will always be thinking about you and someday soon, I’ll be cuddling and patting you all over again.